Are you ever just honest with yourself? About how ugly you are?
I was one day. And found out quite by accident how to exchange the ugly … for the lovely.
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I stomped to my room, slammed the door and pounded my fists at God.
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God, I hate him! I hate this! I hate ME!
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I hate acting like this! I hate feeling like this!
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I hate being so … UGLY!!!
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God, please take my ugly and give me something lovely from you!
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I am NOT leaving this room until you do!
I ranted and raved like that for half an hour. I was shocked at the rage pouring out of me and how horribly ugly I could be. I felt hopeless. Would I EVER change?
I could have kept screaming like that for hours, but a calmness began to creep over me. And I became quiet … in a presence I’d never felt before.
It was just so … lovely.
The loveliest, sweetest presence I’d ever felt in my life came into the room. Oh, so precious. I just sat down and let it surround me. And fill me.
I had no idea God was soooo … beautiful.
Oh! It felt so good to feel that. To have my hot anger and frustration and temper just melt away in the pool of sweet delight.
Ever since that day several years ago, I’ve learned to pray for the exchange of what is ugly in me … for what is lovely in Him.
And I had to pray for it again today.
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I left church this morning still filled with the ugliness I was feeling. You know, the thing that feels so good to indulge in … but leaves you feeling worthless and ashamed?
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God, I hate this! How can I call myself a Christian?
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Will I EVER change?
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Why am I still dealing with this?
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What will it TAKE to win this battle?
So, off on a prayer drive I went. South on I-71. Just soaking in the rays of the warm sun. Leaning into my window to feel the light on my face. I thought that if I could just soak in the light of Jesus like that, it would heal me.
And that’s when I remembered what He told me one day,
“If you’ll surrender everything to me,
I’ll make you the woman you’ve always wanted to be.”
Oh yeah, I’d forgotten. It’s about an exchange.
So, I quit fighting it. And surrendered it.
Did I feel that lovely presence again? No, not like that first time. But it did feel like the sun … warm, pure, and shining right on me.
Yes, the more I give to Him of myself … the more of Himself He gives to me.
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What are you struggling with today that is ugly?
Give it to Jesus.
He has something lovely to give you in exchange.
His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. (Song of Solomon 5:16 NIV)
